4umi.com/shit

Shit

4umi fourletterword

It may not be the most erudite or uplifting of topics, but with or without being seen or heard or given voice, and whether or not this page is filled with words adding interest to its happening, shit is a fact of life.

Shit happens on a shirt

Shit happens in various world religions, or A short course in comparative religion, in faith, artistic and political ideologies, contemplating the substance from various viewpoints, first appeared on T-shirts in the 1980's. Many different versions exist, explaining, excusing, advising, but most agree on the first two or three lines as classic bits of poetry now. This page tries to combine the wittiest wisdom out there with a few entries that are not elsewhere for a refreshing insight into the matter. After that the reader may also appreciate what people in history and on stage had to say about it in their own time.

Where the original list was more about religions than anything else, that has been changed back now.

In faith

Taoism
Shit happens.
Confucianism
Confucius says: “Shit happens”.
Buddhism
If shit happens, it is not really shit.
Zen Buddhism
Shit is, and is not.
Hinduism
This shit happened before.
Shintoism
This shit happens everywhere.
Judaism
Why does this shit always happen to us?
Christianity
Shit happens to sinners.
Islam
Shit happens if it is the will of God.
Polytheism
Shit happens for a variety of reasons.
Astrology
Shit is written in the stars.
Catholicism
If shit happens, you deserve it.
Protestantism
Shit happens, so let 's make it worthwhile.
Lutheranism
When shit happens, change the subject.
Calvinism
Shit happens because you don't work hard enough.
Anglicanism
More shit happens in Rome.
Presbyterianism
This shit was bound to happen.
Episcopalism
It 's not so bad if shit happens, as long as you serve the right wine with it.
Methodism
It 's not so bad if shit happens, as long as you serve it with grape juice.
Congregationalism
Shit that happens to one person is just as good as that happens to another.
Hasidism
Shit never happens the same way twice.
Orthodox Judaism
So shit happens, already!
Samaritanism
Your shit is my shit.
Zoroastrianism
Shit happens half of the time.
Jainism
All shit happens to be alive.
Sikhism
Leave our shit alone.
Ba'hai
We are the shit that happens.
Sufism
The wise man has other things on his mind when shit happens.
Mithra
Shit shall continue to happen until the return of Mithras.
Platonism
There is an ideal shit, of which all the shit that happens is but an imperfect image.
Animism
Some shit happier than others.
Baptism
It 's not too bad if shit happens just before washing.
Anabaptism
It 's not so bad if shit happens, just clean up afterwards.
Mennonitism
Shit happens, but as long as you 're sorry, it 's OK.
Greek Orthodox Church
Shit happens, usually in three's.
Russian Orthodox Church
Do not think shit does not happen.
Seventh Day Adventism
No shit shall happen on Saturday.
Televangelism
Send more shit.
Evangelism
If shit happens, pass it on.
Unitarianism
All shit that happens, is one.
Universalism
All that happens, is one shit.
Christian Science
Shit happening is all in your mind.
Secular Humanism
Shit evolves.
Gnosticism
If shit happens, it 's a secret.
Theosophy
You don't know half of the shit that happens.
Puritanism
S*** can happen all day as long as you don't call it that.
Obscurantism
The shit that appears to be happening is an illusion.
Mysticism
Some weird shit is going on.
Occultism
Sh, it happens.
Shamanism
Holy shit!
Quakers
Let us not quarrel over this shit.
Amish
Shit happening is good for the soil.
Deism
God did not make this shit happen.
Sophism
If shit happens, don't step in it.
Solopsism
If it doesn't happen, it can't be shit.
Utopianism
This shit doesn't smell at all.
Darwinism
This shit was once food.
Creationism
No shit happened before Sunday 23 October 4004 BC.
Fundamentalism
Shit happens from within.
Chauvinism
No matter how shit, we happen.
Despotism
Let only one shit happen.
Feminism
Shit is male as it happens.
Nationalism
Shit happens in the global village.
Patriotism
Our shit happens better than yours.
Fascism
Shit happens right on time.
Marxism
Shit has nothing to lose but to happen.
Stalinism
In five years, shit will happen on an industrial scale.
Communism
Let 's share this shit.
Capitalism
That 's my shit.
Socialism
If shit happens, let 's distribute it equally.
Anarchism
This shit is going to hit the fan.
Commercialism
If shit happens, sell it.
Head-in-the-sandism
If there is no shit, it doesn't happen.
Conservatism
Shit doesn't happen like it used to.
Opportunism
It would be silly for shit not to happen.
Idolism
Let 's bronze this shit.
Purism
If shit must happen, let only shit happen.
Idealism
Be prepared that all shit will happen, eventually.
Apathism
Who gives a shit?
Freudianism
Shit that happens is like sex.
Behaviorism
Shit is conditioned to happen.
Empiricism
Shit only happens if I see it happen.
Relativism
Every shit happens differently.
Stoicism
This shit doesn't bother me.
Epicurism
Shit happens after a good meal.
Impressionism
From a distance, this shit looks like a garden.
Expressionism
Excrement comes and goes.
Cubism
If shit happens, you won't recognize it.
Minimalism
More than enough shit happens as it does.
Existentialism
What is this shit, anyway?
Objectivism
Shit happens to happen.
Individualism
Let 's make shit happen so at least we know who to blame.
Sensationalism
The shit that happens to the rich and famous is much more glamorous.
Populism
If shit happens, silence the perpetrators.
Progressivism
Less shit happens every day, relatively speaking.
Egalitarianism
Shit and no shit happen both.
Orwellianism
Big shit is happening to you.
Mormonism
This shit is going to happen again.
Scientology
If shit happens, see ‘Dianetics’, page 157.
Jehovah’s Witnesses
Shit has been prophesied and is imminent, and only the righteous shall survive its happening.
Hare Krishna
Shit happens, rama, rama.
Moonism
Only really happy shit happens.
Jesuitism
How can we know if shit happens and nobody hears it?
Mesmerism
Sleep and no shit will happen.
Rastafarianism
Let 's smoke this shit.
Navajo
Shit happens in the wind and best in the shade.
Hopi
Corn fertilizer happens.
Maya
Shit happens in cycles.
Inca
Only holy shit happens.
Aztec
If shit happens, the Gods want to see more blood.
New Age
All shit is one shit.
Holism
When shit happens, it happens everywhere at once.
Hitchhikerism
If shit happens, the answer is 42.
Ecology
If organic shit happens, it 's OK.
Cannibalism
Eat only what does not happen.
Vegetarianism
If it happens to shit, don't eat it.
Hedonism
There 's nothing like a good shit happening!
Materialism
Whoever dies with the most shit, wins.
Fetishism
If shit happens, go for more.
Egotism
My shit happens.
Narcissism
I love this shit!
Cynicism
But of course shit happens.
Fatalism
Oh shit, it 's going to happen.
Meliorism
Shit is happening now, but it will soon cease to happen.
Futurism
More shit will happen sooner or later.
Realism
There is shit, as it happens.
Surrealism
Other shit could also happen.
Pragmaticism
Deal with shit one day at a time.
Skepticism
Maybe shit happens, but then again, maybe not.
Liberalism
Shit has a right to happen.
Pacifism
Give shit a chance to happen.
Hippie
Make happenings, not shit.
Punk
Never mind what happens.
Druidism
Shit happens around the Sacred Oak.
Satanism
!SNEPPAH TIHS
Voodoo
Shit happens from me to you.
Witchcraft
Mix this shit together and it will happen.
Wicca
If shit happened once, it will happen twice more.
Online
This shit never happens in real life.
Eschatology
You think shit happens now, you just wait.
Escapism
If shit happens, don't look back.
Atheism
I can't believe this shit!
Agnosticism
I don't know shit.
Nihilism
No shit.

In history

Click individual lines to toggle.

Aristotle
To shit is to happen.
We are what we repeatedly do.
Aesop
The smaller the shit, the more it happens.
The smaller the mind, the greater the conceit.
Lao Tzu
The shit that happens is not the real shit.
The Tao that can be named is not the real Tao.
Socrates
Thou shouldst shit to happen, not happen to shit.
Thou shouldst eat to live; not live to eat.
Demosthenes
All shit is vain and dirty unless it happens.
All speech is vain and empty unless it be accompanied by action. 1
Julius Caesar
Veni, defecato, vici. I came, I shitted, I happened.
Veni, vidi, vici. I came, I saw, I conquered.
Ovid
In nova feces tauri mutatas. The same old bullshit happens over and over.
In nova fert animus mutatas dicere formas corpora. My mind leads me to tell of forms changed into new bodies. (opening lines of the Metamorphoses)
John
In the beginning was the shit, and the shit was where it happened, and the shit was what happened.
In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.
Michelangelo
I saw the angel in the shit and carved until it happened.
I saw the angel in the marble and carved until I set him free. 1
Niccolo Machiavelli
It is better to shit than to happen, if you cannot do both.
It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.
Desiderius Erasmus
Shit is driven out by more shit. What happens is undone by what happens.
A nail is driven out by another nail. Habit is overcome by habit.
Galileo Galilei
They say shit never happened. But it is still happening.
Epur si muove. And yet she moves. (after his formal abjuration of heliocentricity)
Isaac Newton
Shit equals mass times the happening.
F = m × a
Edmund Burke
The only thing necessary for shit to happen is for a man to eat.
The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
S. T. Coleridge
In Xanadu shit happened and a stately pleasure-shit at that.
In Xanadu did Kubla Khan a stately pleasure-dome decree.1
René Descartes
Cogito ergo excreto. I think, therefore I shit.
Cogito ergo sum. I think, therefore I am.
René Descartes
I shit, therefore I sit.
Voltaire
Every man is guilty of all the shit that didn't happen.
Every man is guilty of all the good he didn't do.
Louis XIV
La merde, c 'est moi. The shit, it' s me.
L' État, c' est moi. The state is me. (13 April 1655)1
Napoleon Bonaparte
From the heights of these happenings, forty centuries shit down on us.
From the heights of these pyramids, forty centuries look down on us. (Speech to his troops in Egypt , 21 July 1798)
Théophile Gautier
La merde pour la merde. Shit for the sake of what happens.
L' art pour l' art. Art for art's sake.
Robert Browning
Less shit is more happening.
Less is more. 1
Henry David Thoreau
Shit does not change; it happens.
Things do not change; we change. (Walden, chapter 18)
Karl Marx
Happenings of all countries, shit!
Proletarier aller Länder, vereinigt euch! Working men of all countries, unite! (The Communist Manifesto, 1848)
Friedrich Nietzsche
There are no farts, only happenings.
There are no facts, only interpretations. 1
George Washington
I cannot tell a lie: shit happened.
I cannot tell a lie. (Anecdotic)
Abraham Lincoln
Four score and seven years ago our fathers brought forth on this shit a new happening
Four score and seven years ago our fathers brought forth on this continent a new nation (Gettysburg Address)
Lewis Carroll
Why, sometimes I've had as many as six impossible shits happen before breakfast.
Why, sometimes I've believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast. 1
Mark Twain
It's not the size of the shit in the dog, but the size of the happening in the shit.
It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog. 1
Thomas Edison
Mary had shit happening.
Mary had a little lamb. (First words recorded on his phonograph)
Oscar Wilde
A cynic is a man who knows the price of shit but the value of what happens.
A cynic is a man who knows the price of everything but the value of nothing.
Rudyard Kipling
If you can keep your shit when all about you are losing theirs and aiming it at you
If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs and blaming it on you (If— openeing lines, 1910)
J. R. R. Tolkien
All that is shit does not happen; not all that happens is shit.
All that is gold does not glitter; not all those that wander are lost. (The Fellowship of the Ring, 1954)
Adial E. Stevenson
What counts is not the shit in your life but the happening in your years.
What counts is not the years in your life but the life in your years. 1
Wallace Stevens
After the final happening there comes a shit.
After the final no there comes a yes. 1
Louis Henri Sullivan
Shit follows whatever happens.
Form follows function.
Buckminster Fuller
Sometimes I think shit happens. Sometimes I think it doesn't. Either way, the smell is breathtaking.
Sometimes I think we're alone. Sometimes I think we're not. In either case, the thought is staggering.
Gertrude Stein
Shit is shit is shit is happening.
Rose is a rose is a rose is a rose.
Werner Heisenberg
Some shit happened, but we 're not quite sure where or how much.
Albert Einstein
Shit is relative to its mass times the speed at which it happens squared.
E = m × c²
Alfred Kinsey
There is no remedy for shit but more happenings.
There is no remedy for sex but more sex.
Mahatma Gandhi
First they ignore shit, then they laugh at shit, then they fight shit, then shit happens.
First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.
Winston Churchill
If you are going through shit, keep going.
If you are going through hell, keep going. 1
Mao Zedong
Let a hundred shits happen.
Let a hundred flowers bloom.
George Orwell
War is peace. Ignorance is strength. Shit is happening.
War is Peace. Freedom is slavery. Ignorance is strength. 1
John F. Kennedy
Ask not what your country can do for shit, ask what shit can happen.
Ask not what your country can do for you—ask what you can do for your country. (Inaugural speech)
Martin Luther King
where they will not be judged by the color of their shit but by the consequence of what happens.
a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character. (I have a dream speech)
Neil Armstrong
It 's one small shit for a man, but a giant heap for mankind.
It 's one small step for a man, but a giant leap for mankind. (First words spoken on the moon)
Arthur C. Clarke
Any sufficiently advanced shit is indistinguishable from what can never happen.
Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.
Richard Nixon
Shit didn't happen, and if it did I wasn't there.
I 'm not a crook. 1
Ronald Reagan
Well, I do believe that shit happened. I was just taking a nap.
George Bush
Read my lips: no more shit!
Read my lips: no new taxes! (Speech in 1988)
Bill Clinton
Shit happened, but I did not inhale.
I tried marijuana once. I did not inhale. 1
Bill Gates
If shit happens, patch it.
George W. Bush
Like I say, shit happens.
Al Gore
Shit happens big time.
Barack Obama
Yes, shit happens.

On stage

Hamlet
To happen or not to happen, that is the shit.
To be or not to be, that is the question. 1
James Bond
My game is shit, happening shit.
My name is Bond, James Bond.
James T. Kirk
To boldly go where no shit happened before!
To boldly go where no man has gone before. (William Shatner in the Star Trek series)
Maria von Trapp
The hills are alive with the shit that happens.
The hills are alive with the sound of music. (Julie Andrews in the opening lines of The Sound of Music, 1965)
The Godfather
I 'll give you shit you can't refuse.
I 'm gonna make him an offer he can't refuse. (Marlon Brando in The Godfather, 1972)
The Terminator
Shit 'll be back.
I 'll be back. (Arnold Schwarzenegger in The Terminator, 1984)
Highlander
Shit can happen only once.
There can be only one. (Christopher Lambert in Highlander, 1986)
Bill Haley
Happen around the shit
Rock around the clock
Louis Armstrong
What a happy shit
What a wonderful world
Elvis Presley
Don't you shit on my blue suede shoes
Don't you step on my blue suede shoes
Marvin Gaye
Is shit happening
What 's going on
John Lennon
Let it happen
Let it be
Mick Jagger
Shit is on my side
Time is on my side
Lou Reed
Walk where shit happens
Walk on the wild side
Bob Dylan
The shit, my friend, is happenin' with the wind
The answer, my friend, is blowin' in the wind
Paul Simon
There must be fifty ways for shit to happen.
There must be fifty ways to leave a lover.
Tina Turner
Deep shit happens high
River deep, mountain high
Joni Mitchell
You don't know shit till it 's happened
You don't know what you've got till it 's gone
Gloria Gaynor
Shit will continue to happen
I will survive
Michael Jackson
She sais shit happened, but I didn't do it
She says I am the one, but the kid is not my son
Freddie Mercury
Crazy little shit happened
Crazy little thing called love
David Bowie
Shit happening
Space oddity
Pink Floyd
Wish shit never happened
Wish you were here
Madonna
Like shit never happened
Like a virgin
Sting
Shit happens in a bottle
Message in a bottle
Bono
Shit (In shame)
Pride (In the name of love)