Barrack-Room Ballads
Second Series (1896)
'Bobs'
- There's a little red-faced man,
- Which is Bobs,
- Rides the tallest 'orse 'e can-
- Our Bobs,
- If it bucks or kicks or rears,
- 'E can sit for twenty years
- With a smile round both 'is ears-
- Can't yer, Bobs?
-
- Then 'ere's to Bobs Bahadur-
- Little Bobs, Bobs, Bobs!
- 'E's or pukka Kandaharder-
- Fightin' Bobs, Bobs, Bobs!
- 'E's the Dook of Aggy Chel;
- 'E's the man that done us well,
- An' we'll follow 'im to 'ell-
- Won't we Bobs?
-
- If a limber's slipped a trace,
- 'Ook on Bobs.
- If a marker's lost 'is place,
- Dress by Bobs.
- For 'e's eyes all up 'is coat,
- An' a bugle in 'is throat,
- An' you will not play the goat
- Under Bobs.
-
- 'E's a little down on drink,
- Chaplain Bobs;
- But it keeps us outer Clink-
- Don't it Bobs?
- So we will not complain
- Tho' 'e's water on the brain,
- If 'e leads us straight again-
- Blue-light Bobs.
-
- If you stood 'im on 'is head
- Father Bobs,
- You could spill a quart o' lead
- Outer Bobs.
- 'E's been at it thirty years,
- An' amassin souveneers
- In the way o' slugs an' spears-
- Ain't yer, Bobs?
-
- What 'e does not Know o' war,
- Gen'ral Bobs,
- You can arst the shop next door-
- Can't they, Bobs?
- Oh, 'e's little, but he's wise;
- 'E's a terror for 'is size,
- An'-'e-does-not-advertise-
- Do yer, Bobs?
-
- Now they've made a bloomin' Lord
- Outer Bobs,
- Which was but 'is fair reward-
- Weren't it Bobs?
- So 'e'll wear a coronet
- Where 'is 'elmet used to set;
- But we know you won't forget-
- Will yer, Bobs?
-
- Then 'ere's to Bobs Bahadur-
- Little Bobs, Bobs, Bobs!
- Pocket-Wellin'ton an' arder -
- Fightin' Bobs, Bobs, Bobs!
- This ain't no bloomin' ode,
- But you've 'elped the soldier's load,
- An' for benefits bestowed,
- Bless yer, Bobs!
'Back to the Army Again'
- I'm 'ere in a ticky ulster an' a broken billycock 'at,
- A-layin' on to the sergeant I don't know a gun from a bat;
- My shirt's doin' duty for jacket, my sock's stickin' out o' my boots,
- An' I'm learnin' the damned old goose-step along o' the new recruits!
-
- Back to the Army again, sergeant,
- Back to the Army again.
- Don't look so 'ard, for I 'aven't no card,
- I'm back to the Army again!
-
- I done my six years' service. 'Er Majesty sez: "Good-day—
- You'll please to come when you're rung for, an' 'ere's your 'ole back-pay;
- An' fourpence a day for baccy—an' bloomin' gen'rous, too;
- An' now you can make your fortune—the same as your orf'cers do."
-
- Back to the Army again, sergeant,
- Back to the Army again;
- 'Ow did I learn to do right-about turn?
- I'm back to the Army again!
-
- A man o' four-an'-twenty that 'asn't learned of a trade—
- Beside "Reserve" agin' him—'e'd better be never made.
- I tried my luck for a quarter, an' that was enough for me,
- An' I thought of 'Er Majesty's barricks, an' I thought I'd go an' see.
-
- Back to the Army again, sergeant,
- Back to the Army again;
- 'Tisn't my fault if I dress when I 'alt—
- I'm back to the Army again!
-
- The sergeant arst no questions, but 'e winked the other eye,
- 'E sez to me, "'Shun!" an' I shunted, the same as in days gone by;
- For 'e saw the set o' my shoulders, an' I couldn't 'elp 'oldin' straight
- When me an' the other rookies come under the barrick-gate.
-
- Back to the Army again, sergeant,
- Back to the Army again;
- 'Oo would ha' thought I could carry an' port?
- I'm back to the Army again!
-
- I took my bath, an' I wallered—for, Gawd, I needed it so!
- I smelt the smell o' the barricks, I 'eard the bugles go.
- I 'eard the feet on the gravel—the feet o' the men what drill—
- An' I sez to my flutterin' 'eart-strings, I sez to 'em, "Peace, be still!"
-
- Back to the Army again, sergeant,
- Back to the Army again;
- 'Oo said I knew when the Jumner was due?
- I'm back to the Army again!
-
- I carried my slops to the tailor; I sez to 'im, "None o' your lip!
- You tight 'em over the shoulders, an' loose 'em over the 'ip,
- For the set o' the tunic's 'orrid." An' 'e sez to me, "Strike me dead,
- But I thought you was used to the business!" an' so 'e done what I said.
-
- Back to the Army again, sergeant,
- Back to the Army again.
- Rather too free with my fancies? Wot—me?
- I'm back to the Army again!
-
- Next week I'll 'ave 'em fitted; I'll buy me a swagger-cane;
- They'll let me free o' the barricks to walk on the Hoe again
- In the name o' William Parsons, that used to be Edward Clay,
- An'—any pore beggar that wants it can draw my fourpence a day!
-
- Back to the Army again, sergeant,
- Back to the Army again:
- Out o' the cold an' the rain, sergeant,
- Out o' the cold an' the rain.
-
- 'Oo's there?
- A man that's too good to be lost you,
- A man that is 'andled an' made—
- A man that will pay what 'e cost you
- In learnin' the others their trade—parade!
- You're droppin' the pick o' the Army
- Because you don't 'elp 'em remain,
- But drives 'em to cheat to get out o' the street
- An' back to the Army again!
'Birds of Prey' March
- March! The mud is cakin' good about our trousies.
- Front!—eyes front, an' watch the Colour-casin's drip.
- Front! The faces of the women in the 'ouses
- Ain't the kind o' things to take aboard the ship.
-
- Cheer! An' we'll never march to victory.
- Cheer! An' we'll never live to 'ear the cannon roar!
- The Large Birds o' Prey
- They will carry us away,
- An' you'll never see your soldiers any more!
-
- Wheel! Oh, keep your touch; we're goin' round a corner.
- Time!—mark time, an' let the men be'ind us close.
- Lord! the transport's full, an' 'alf our lot not on 'er—
- Cheer, O cheer! We're going off where no one knows.
-
- March! The Devil's none so black as 'e is painted!
- Cheer! We'll 'ave some fun before we're put away.
- 'Alt, an' 'and 'er out—a woman's gone and fainted!
- Cheer! Get on—Gawd 'elp the married men to-day!
-
- Hoi! Come up, you 'ungry beggars, to yer sorrow.
- ('Ear them say they want their tea, an' want it quick!)
- You won't have no mind for slingers, not to-morrow—
- No; you'll put the 'tween-decks stove out, bein' sick!
-
- 'Alt! The married kit 'as all to go before us!
- 'Course it's blocked the bloomin' gangway up again!
- Cheer, O cheer the 'Orse Guards watchin' tender o'er us,
- Keepin' us since eight this mornin' in the rain!
-
- Stuck in 'eavy marchin'-order, sopped and wringin'—
- Sick, before our time to watch 'er 'eave an' fall,
- 'Ere's your 'appy 'ome at last, an' stop your singin'.
- 'Alt! Fall in along the troop-deck! Silence all!
-
- Cheer! For we'll never live to see no bloomin' victory!
- Cheer! An' we'll never live to 'ear the cannon roar! (One cheer more!)
- The jackal an' the kite
- 'Ave an 'ealthy appetite,
- An' you'll never see your soldiers any more! ('Ip! Urroar!)
- The eagle an' the crow
- They are waitin' ever so,
- An' you'll never see your soldiers any more! ('Ip! Urroar!)
- Yes, the Large Birds o' Prey
- They will carry us away,
- An' you'll never see your soldiers any more!
'Soldier an' Salor Too'
- As I was spittin' into the Ditch aboard o' the Crocodile,
- I seed a man on a man-o'-war got up in the Reg'lars' style.
- 'E was scrapin' the paint from off of 'er plates,
- an' I sez to 'im, "'Oo are you?"
- Sez 'e, "I'm a Jolly—'Er Majesty's Jolly—soldier an' sailor too!"
- Now 'is work begins by Gawd knows when, and 'is work is never through;
- 'E isn't one o' the reg'lar Line, nor 'e isn't one of the crew.
- 'E's a kind of a giddy harumfrodite—soldier an' sailor too!
-
- An' after I met 'im all over the world, a-doin' all kinds of things,
- Like landin' 'isself with a Gatlin' gun to talk to them 'eathen kings;
- 'E sleeps in an 'ammick instead of a cot,
- an' 'e drills with the deck on a slew,
- An' 'e sweats like a Jolly—'Er Majesty's Jolly—soldier an' sailor too!
- For there isn't a job on the top o' the earth the beggar don't know, nor do—
- You can leave 'im at night on a bald man's 'ead, to paddle 'is own canoe—
- 'E's a sort of a bloomin' cosmopolouse—soldier an' sailor too.
-
- We've fought 'em in trooper, we've fought 'em in dock,
- and drunk with 'em in betweens,
- When they called us the seasick scull'ry-maids,
- an' we called 'em the Ass Marines;
- But, when we was down for a double fatigue, from Woolwich to Bernardmyo,
- We sent for the Jollies—'Er Majesty's Jollies—soldier an' sailor too!
- They think for 'emselves, an' they steal for 'emselves,
- and they never ask what's to do,
- But they're camped an' fed an' they're up an' fed before our bugle's blew.
- Ho! they ain't no limpin' procrastitutes—soldier an' sailor too.
-
- You may say we are fond of an 'arness-cut, or 'ootin' in barrick-yards,
- Or startin' a Board School mutiny along o' the Onion Guards;
- But once in a while we can finish in style for the ends of the earth to view,
- The same as the Jollies—'Er Majesty's Jollies—soldier an' sailor too!
- They come of our lot, they was brothers to us;
- they was beggars we'd met an' knew;
- Yes, barrin' an inch in the chest an' the arm, they was doubles o' me an' you;
- For they weren't no special chrysanthemums—soldier an' sailor too!
-
- To take your chance in the thick of a rush, with firing all about,
- Is nothing so bad when you've cover to 'and, an' leave an' likin' to shout;
- But to stand an' be still to the Birken'ead drill
- is a damn tough bullet to chew,
- An' they done it, the Jollies—'Er Majesty's Jollies—
- soldier an' sailor too!
- Their work was done when it 'adn't begun; they was younger nor me an' you;
- Their choice it was plain between drownin' in 'eaps
- an' bein' mopped by the screw,
- So they stood an' was still to the Birken'ead drill, soldier an' sailor too!
-
- We're most of us liars, we're 'arf of us thieves,
- an' the rest are as rank as can be,
- But once in a while we can finish in style
- (which I 'ope it won't 'appen to me).
- But it makes you think better o' you an' your friends,
- an' the work you may 'ave to do,
- When you think o' the sinkin' Victorier's Jollies—soldier an' sailor too!
- Now there isn't no room for to say ye don't know—
- they 'ave proved it plain and true—
- That whether it's Widow, or whether it's ship, Victorier's work is to do,
- An' they done it, the Jollies—'Er Majesty's Jollies—
- soldier an' sailor too!
Sappers
- When the Waters were dried an' the Earth did appear,
- ("It's all one," says the Sapper),
- The Lord He created the Engineer,
- Her Majesty's Royal Engineer,
- With the rank and pay of a Sapper!
-
- When the Flood come along for an extra monsoon,
- 'Twas Noah constructed the first pontoon
- To the plans of Her Majesty's, etc.
-
- But after fatigue in the wet an' the sun,
- Old Noah got drunk, which he wouldn't ha' done
- If he'd trained with, etc.
-
- When the Tower o' Babel had mixed up men's bat,
- Some clever civilian was managing that,
- An' none of, etc.
-
- When the Jews had a fight at the foot of a hill,
- Young Joshua ordered the sun to stand still,
- For he was a Captain of Engineers, etc.
-
- When the Children of Israel made bricks without straw,
- They were learnin' the regular work of our Corps,
- The work of, etc.
-
- For ever since then, if a war they would wage,
- Behold us a-shinin' on history's page—
- First page for, etc.
-
- We lay down their sidings an' help 'em entrain,
- An' we sweep up their mess through the bloomin' campaign,
- In the style of, etc.
-
- They send us in front with a fuse an' a mine
- To blow up the gates that are rushed by the Line,
- But bent by, etc.
-
- They send us behind with a pick an' a spade,
- To dig for the guns of a bullock-brigade
- Which has asked for, etc.
-
- We work under escort in trousers and shirt,
- An' the heathen they plug us tail-up in the dirt,
- Annoying, etc.
-
- We blast out the rock an' we shovel the mud,
- We make 'em good roads an'—they roll down the khud,
- Reporting, etc.
-
- We make 'em their bridges, their wells, an' their huts,
- An' the telegraph-wire the enemy cuts,
- An' it's blamed on, etc.
-
- An' when we return, an' from war we would cease,
- They grudge us adornin' the billets of peace,
- Which are kept for, etc.
-
- We build 'em nice barracks—they swear they are bad,
- That our Colonels are Methodist, married or mad,
- Insultin', etc.
-
- They haven't no manners nor gratitude too,
- For the more that we help 'em, the less will they do,
- But mock at, etc.
-
- Now the Line's but a man with a gun in his hand,
- An' Cavalry's only what horses can stand,
- When helped by, etc.
-
- Artillery moves by the leave o' the ground,
- But we are the men that do something all round,
- For we are, etc.
-
- I have stated it plain, an' my argument's thus
- ("It's all one," says the Sapper),
- There's only one Corps which is perfect—that's us;
- An' they call us Her Majesty's Engineers,
- Her Majesty's Royal Engineers,
- With the rank and pay of a Sapper!
That Day
- It got beyond all orders an' it got beyond all 'ope;
- It got to shammin' wounded an' retirin' from the 'alt.
- 'Ole companies was lookin' for the nearest road to slope;
- It were just a bloomin' knock-out—an' our fault!
-
- Now there ain't no chorus 'ere to give,
- Nor there ain't no band to play;
- An' I wish I was dead 'fore I done what I did,
- Or seen what I seed that day!
-
- We was sick o' bein' punished, an' we let 'em know it, too;
- An' a company-commander up an' 'it us with a sword,
- An' some one shouted "'Ook it!" an' it come to sove-ki-poo,
- An' we chucked our rifles from us—O my Gawd!
-
- There was thirty dead an' wounded on the ground we wouldn't keep—
- No, there wasn't more than twenty when the front begun to go;
- But, Christ! along the line o' flight they cut us up like sheep,
- An' that was all we gained by doin' so.
-
- I 'eard the knives be'ind me, but I dursn't face my man,
- Nor I don't know where I went to, 'cause I didn't 'alt to see,
- Till I 'eard a beggar squealin' out for quarter as 'e ran,
- An' I thought I knew the voice an'—it was me!
-
- We was 'idin' under bedsteads more than 'arf a march away;
- We was lyin' up like rabbits all about the countryside;
- An' the major cursed 'is Maker 'cause 'e lived to see that day,
- An' the colonel broke 'is sword acrost, an' cried.
-
- We was rotten 'fore we started—we was never disciplined;
- We made it out a favour if an order was obeyed;
- Yes, every little drummer 'ad 'is rights an' wrongs to mind,
- So we had to pay for teachin'—an' we paid!
-
- The papers 'id it 'andsome, but you know the Army knows;
- We was put to groomin' camels till the regiments withdrew,
- An' they gave us each a medal for subduin' England's foes,
- An' I 'ope you like my song—because it's true!
-
- An' there ain't no chorus 'ere to give,
- Nor there ain't no band to play;
- But I wish I was dead 'fore I done what I did,
- Or seen what I seed that day!
'The Men that fought at Minden'
A Song of Instruction
- The men that fought at Minden, they was rookies in their time—
- So was them that fought at Waterloo!
- All the 'ole command, yuss, from Minden to Maiwand,
- They was once dam' sweeps like you!
-
- Then do not be discouraged, 'Eaven is your 'elper,
- We'll learn you not to forget;
- An' you mustn't swear an' curse, or you'll only catch it worse,
- For we'll make you soldiers yet!
-
- The men that fought at Minden, they 'ad stocks beneath their chins,
- Six inch 'igh an' more;
- But fatigue it was their pride, and they would not be denied
- To clean the cook-'ouse floor.
-
- The men that fought at Minden, they had anarchistic bombs
- Served to 'em by name of 'and-grenades;
- But they got it in the eye (same as you will by-an'-by)
- When they clubbed their field-parades.
-
- The men that fought at Minden, they 'ad buttons up an' down,
- Two-an'-twenty dozen of 'em told;
- But they didn't grouse an' shirk at an hour's extry work,
- They kept 'em bright as gold.
-
- The men that fought at Minden, they was armed with musketoons,
- Also, they was drilled by 'alberdiers;
- I don't know what they were, but the sergeants took good care
- They washed be'ind their ears.
-
- The men that fought at Minden, they 'ad ever cash in 'and
- Which they did not bank nor save,
- But spent it gay an' free on their betters—such as me—
- For the good advice I gave.
-
- The men that fought at Minden, they was civil—yuss, they was—
- Never didn't talk o' rights an' wrongs,
- But they got it with the toe (same as you will get it—so!)—
- For interrupting songs.
-
- The men that fought at Minden, they was several other things
- Which I don't remember clear;
- But that's the reason why, now the six-year men are dry,
- The rooks will stand the beer!
-
- Then do not be discouraged, 'Eaven is your 'elper,
- We'll learn you not to forget;
- An' you mustn't swear an' curse, or you'll only catch it worse,
- For we'll make you soldiers yet!
-
- Soldiers yet, if you've got it in you—
- All for the sake of the Core;
- Soldiers yet, if we 'ave to skin you—
- Run an' get the beer, Johnny Raw—Johnny Raw!
- Ho! run an' get the beer, Johnny Raw!
Cholera Camp
- We've got the cholerer in camp—it's worse than forty fights;
- We're dyin' in the wilderness the same as Isrulites;
- It's before us, an' be'ind us, an' we cannot get away,
- An' the doctor's just reported we've ten more to-day!
-
- Oh, strike your camp an' go, the Bugle's callin',
- The Rains are fallin'—
- The dead are bushed an' stoned to keep 'em safe below;
- The Band's a-doin' all she knows to cheer us;
- The Chaplain's gone and prayed to Gawd to 'ear us—
- To 'ear us—
- O Lord, for it's a-killin' of us so!
-
- Since August, when it started, it's been stickin' to our tail,
- Though they've 'ad us out by marches an' they've 'ad us back by rail;
- But it runs as fast as troop-trains, and we cannot get away;
- An' the sick-list to the Colonel makes ten more to-day.
-
- There ain't no fun in women nor there ain't no bite to drink;
- It's much too wet for shootin', we can only march and think;
- An' at evenin', down the nullahs, we can 'ear the jackals say,
- "Get up, you rotten beggars, you've ten more to-day!"
-
- 'Twould make a monkey cough to see our way o' doin' things—
- Lieutenants takin' companies an' captains takin' wings,
- An' Lances actin' Sergeants—eight file to obey—
- For we've lots o' quick promotion on ten deaths a day!
-
- Our Colonel's white an' twitterly—'e gets no sleep nor food,
- But mucks about in 'orspital where nothing does no good.
- 'E sends us 'eaps o' comforts, all bought from 'is pay—
- But there aren't much comfort 'andy on ten deaths a day.
-
- Our Chaplain's got a banjo, an' a skinny mule 'e rides,
- An' the stuff 'e says an' sings us, Lord, it makes us split our sides!
- With 'is black coat-tails a-bobbin' to Ta-ra-ra Boom-der-ay!
- 'E's the proper kind o' padre for ten deaths a day.
-
- An' Father Victor 'elps 'im with our Roman Catholicks—
- He knows an 'eap of Irish songs an' rummy conjurin' tricks;
- An' the two they works together when it comes to play or pray;
- So we keep the ball a-rollin' on ten deaths a day.
-
- We've got the cholerer in camp—we've got it 'ot an' sweet;
- It ain't no Christmas dinner, but it's 'elped an' we must eat.
- We've gone beyond the funkin', 'cause we've found it doesn't pay,
- An' we're rockin' round the Districk on ten deaths a day!
-
- Then strike your camp an' go, the Rains are fallin',
- The Bugle's callin'!
- The dead are bushed an' stoned to keep 'em safe below!
- An' them that do not like it they can lump it,
- An' them that cannot stand it they can jump it;
- We've got to die somewhere—some way—some'ow—
- We might as well begin to do it now!
- Then, Number One, let down the tent-pole slow,
- Knock out the pegs an' 'old the corners—so!
- Fold in the flies, furl up the ropes, an' stow!
- Oh, strike—oh, strike your camp an' go!
- (Gawd 'elp us!)
The Ladies
- I've taken my fun where I've found it;
- I've rogued an' I've ranged in my time;
- I've 'ad my pickin' o' sweet'earts,
- An' four o' the lot was prime.
- One was an 'arf-caste widow,
- One was a woman at Prome,
- One was the wife of a jemadar-sais,
- An' one is a girl at 'ome.
-
- Now I aren't no 'and with the ladies,
- For, takin' 'em all along,
- You never can say till you've tried 'em,
- An' then you are like to be wrong.
- There's times when you'll think that you mightn't,
- There's times when you'll know that you might;
- But the things you will learn from the Yellow an' Brown,
- They'll 'elp you a lot with the White!
-
- I was a young un at 'Oogli,
- Shy as a girl to begin;
- Aggie de Castrer she made me,
- An' Aggie was clever as sin;
- Older than me, but my first un—
- More like a mother she were—
- Showed me the way to promotion an' pay,
- An' I learned about women from 'er!
-
- Then I was ordered to Burma,
- Actin' in charge o' Bazar,
- An' I got me a tiddy live 'eathen
- Through buyin' supplies off 'er pa.
- Funny an' yellow an' faithful—
- Doll in a teacup she were,
- But we lived on the square, like a true-married pair,
- An' I learned about women from 'er!
-
- Then we was shifted to Neemuch
- (Or I might ha' been keepin' 'er now),
- An' I took with a shiny she-devil,
- The wife of a nigger at Mhow;
- 'Taught me the gipsy-folks' bolee;
- Kind o' volcano she were,
- For she knifed me one night 'cause I wished she was white,
- And I learned about women from 'er!
-
- Then I come 'ome in the trooper,
- 'Long of a kid o' sixteen—
- Girl from a convent at Meerut,
- The straightest I ever 'ave seen.
- Love at first sight was 'er trouble,
- She didn't know what it were;
- An' I wouldn't do such, 'cause I liked 'er too much,
- But—I learned about women from 'er!
-
- I've taken my fun where I've found it,
- An' now I must pay for my fun,
- For the more you 'ave known o' the others
- The less will you settle to one;
- An' the end of it's sittin' and thinkin',
- An' dreamin' Hell-fires to see;
- So be warned by my lot (which I know you will not),
- An' learn about women from me!
-
- What did the Colonel's Lady think?
- Nobody never knew.
- Somebody asked the Sergeant's wife,
- An' she told 'em true!
- When you get to a man in the case,
- They're like as a row of pins—
- For the Colonel's Lady an' Judy O'Grady
- Are sisters under their skins!
Bill 'Awkins
- "'As anybody seen Bill 'Awkins?"
- "Now 'ow in the devil would I know?"
- "'E's taken my girl out walkin',
- An' I've got to tell 'im so—
- Gawd—bless—'im!
- I've got to tell 'im so."
-
- "D'yer know what 'e's like, Bill 'Awkins?"
- "Now what in the devil would I care?"
- "'E's the livin', breathin' image of an organ-grinder's monkey,
- With a pound of grease in 'is 'air—
- Gawd—bless—'im!
- An' a pound o' grease in 'is 'air."
-
- "An' s'pose you met Bill 'Awkins,
- Now what in the devil 'ud ye do?"
- "I'd open 'is cheek to 'is chin-strap buckle,
- An' bung up 'is both eyes, too—
- Gawd—bless—'im!
- An' bung up 'is both eyes, too!"
-
- "Look 'ere, where 'e comes, Bill 'Awkins!
- Now what in the devil will you say?"
- "It isn't fit an' proper to be fightin' on a Sunday,
- So I'll pass 'im the time o' day—
- Gawd—bless—'im!
- I'll pass 'im the time o' day!"
THe Mother-Lodge
- There was Rundle, Station Master,
- An' Beazeley of the Rail,
- An' 'Ackman, Commissariat,
- An' Donkin' o' the Jail;
- An' Blake, Conductor-Sargent,
- Our Master twice was 'e,
- With 'im that kept the Europe-shop,
- Old Framjee Eduljee.
-
- Outside—"Sergeant! Sir! Salute! Salaam!"
- Inside—"Brother", an' it doesn't do no 'arm.
- We met upon the Level an' we parted on the Square,
- An' I was Junior Deacon in my Mother-Lodge out there!
-
- We'd Bola Nath, Accountant,
- An' Saul the Aden Jew,
- An' Din Mohammed, draughtsman
- Of the Survey Office too;
- There was Babu Chuckerbutty,
- An' Amir Singh the Sikh,
- An' Castro from the fittin'-sheds,
- The Roman Catholick!
-
- We 'adn't good regalia,
- An' our Lodge was old an' bare,
- But we knew the Ancient Landmarks,
- An' we kep' 'em to a hair;
- An' lookin' on it backwards
- It often strikes me thus,
- There ain't such things as infidels,
- Excep', per'aps, it's us.
-
- For monthly, after Labour,
- We'd all sit down and smoke
- (We dursn't give no banquits,
- Lest a Brother's caste were broke),
- An' man on man got talkin'
- Religion an' the rest,
- An' every man comparin'
- Of the God 'e knew the best.
-
- So man on man got talkin',
- An' not a Brother stirred
- Till mornin' waked the parrots
- An' that dam' brain-fever-bird;
- We'd say 'twas 'ighly curious,
- An' we'd all ride 'ome to bed,
- With Mo'ammed, God, an' Shiva
- Changin' pickets in our 'ead.
-
- Full oft on Guv'ment service
- This rovin' foot 'ath pressed,
- An' bore fraternal greetin's
- To the Lodges east an' west,
- Accordin' as commanded
- From Kohat to Singapore,
- But I wish that I might see them
- In my Mother-Lodge once more!
-
- I wish that I might see them,
- My Brethren black an' brown,
- With the trichies smellin' pleasant
- An' the hog-darn passin' down;
- An' the old khansamah snorin'
- On the bottle-khana floor,
- Like a Master in good standing
- With my Mother-Lodge once more!
-
- Outside—"Sergeant! Sir! Salute! Salaam!"
- Inside—"Brother", an' it doesn't do no 'arm.
- We met upon the Level an' we parted on the Square,
- An' I was Junior Deacon in my Mother-Lodge out there!
'Follow Me 'Ome'
- There was no one like 'im, 'Orse or Foot,
- Nor any o' the Guns I knew;
- An' because it was so, why, o' course 'e went an' died,
- Which is just what the best men do.
-
- So it's knock out your pipes an' follow me!
- An' it's finish up your swipes an' follow me!
- Oh, 'ark to the big drum callin',
- Follow me—follow me 'ome!
-
- 'Is mare she neighs the 'ole day long,
- She paws the 'ole night through,
- An' she won't take 'er feed 'cause o' waitin' for 'is step,
- Which is just what a beast would do.
-
- 'Is girl she goes with a bombardier
- Before 'er month is through;
- An' the banns are up in church, for she's got the beggar hooked,
- Which is just what a girl would do.
-
- We fought 'bout a dog—last week it were—
- No more than a round or two;
- But I strook 'im cruel 'ard, an' I wish I 'adn't now,
- Which is just what a man can't do.
-
- 'E was all that I 'ad in the way of a friend,
- An' I've 'ad to find one new;
- But I'd give my pay an' stripe for to get the beggar back,
- Which it's just too late to do.
-
- So it's knock out your pipes an' follow me!
- An' it's finish off your swipes an' follow me!
- Oh, 'ark to the fifes a-crawlin'!
- Follow me—follow me 'ome!
-
- Take 'im away! 'E's gone where the best men go.
- Take 'im away! An' the gun-wheels turnin' slow.
- Take 'im away! There's more from the place 'e come.
- Take 'im away, with the limber an' the drum.
-
- For it's "Three rounds blank" an' follow me,
- An' it's "Thirteen rank" an' follow me;
- Oh, passin' the love o' women,
- Follow me—follow me 'ome!
THe Sergeant's Weddin'
- 'E was warned agin' 'er—
- That's what made 'im look;
- She was warned agin' 'im—
- That is why she took.
- 'Wouldn't 'ear no reason,
- 'Went an' done it blind;
- We know all about 'em,
- They've got all to find!
-
- Cheer for the Sergeant's weddin'—
- Give 'em one cheer more!
- Grey gun-'orses in the lando,
- An' a rogue is married to, etc.
-
- What's the use o' tellin'
- 'Arf the lot she's been?
- 'E's a bloomin' robber,
- An' 'e keeps canteen.
- 'Ow did 'e get 'is buggy?
- Gawd, you needn't ask!
- 'Made 'is forty gallon
- Out of every cask!
-
- Watch 'im, with 'is 'air cut,
- Count us filin' by—
- Won't the Colonel praise 'is
- Pop—u—lar—i—ty!
- We 'ave scores to settle—
- Scores for more than beer;
- She's the girl to pay 'em—
- That is why we're 'ere!
-
- See the chaplain thinkin'?
- See the women smile?
- Twig the married winkin'
- As they take the aisle?
- Keep your side-arms quiet,
- Dressin' by the Band.
- Ho! You 'oly beggars,
- Cough be'ind your 'and!
-
- Now it's done an' over,
- 'Ear the organ squeak,
- "'Voice that breathed o'er Eden"—
- Ain't she got the cheek!
- White an' laylock ribbons,
- Think yourself so fine!
- I'd pray Gawd to take yer
- 'Fore I made yer mine!
-
- Escort to the kerridge,
- Wish 'im luck, the brute!
- Chuck the slippers after—
- (Pity 'tain't a boot!)
- Bowin' like a lady,
- Blushin' like a lad—
- 'Oo would say to see 'em
- Both is rotten bad?
-
- Cheer for the Sergeant's weddin'—
- Give 'em one cheer more!
- Grey gun-'orses in the lando,
- An' a rogue is married to, etc.
The Jacket
- Through the Plagues of Egyp' we was chasin' Arabi,
- Gettin' down an' shovin' in the sun;
- An' you might 'ave called us dirty, an' you might ha' called us dry,
- An' you might 'ave 'eard us talkin' at the gun.
- But the Captain 'ad 'is jacket, an' the jacket it was new—
- ('Orse Gunners, listen to my song!)
- An' the wettin' of the jacket is the proper thing to do,
- Nor we didn't keep 'im waitin' very long.
-
- One day they gave us orders for to shell a sand redoubt,
- Loadin' down the axle-arms with case;
- But the Captain knew 'is dooty, an' he took the crackers out
- An' he put some proper liquor in its place.
- An' the Captain saw the shrapnel, which is six-an'-thirty clear.
- ('Orse Gunners, listen to my song!)
- "Will you draw the weight," sez 'e, "or will you draw the beer?"
- An' we didn't keep 'im waitin' very long.
- For the Captain, etc.
-
- Then we trotted gentle, not to break the bloomin' glass,
- Though the Arabites 'ad all their ranges marked;
- But we dursn't 'ardly gallop, for the most was bottled Bass,
- An' we'd dreamed of it since we was disembarked:
- So we fired economic with the shells we 'ad in 'and,
- ('Orse Gunners, listen to my song!)
- But the beggars under cover 'ad the impidence to stand,
- An' we couldn't keep 'em waitin' very long.
- And the Captain, etc.
-
- So we finished 'arf the liquor (an' the Captain took champagne),
- An' the Arabites was shootin' all the while;
- An' we left our wounded 'appy with the empties on the plain,
- An' we used the bloomin' guns for pro-jec-tile!
- We limbered up an' galloped—there were nothin' else to do—
- ('Orse Gunners, listen to my song!)
- An' the Battery came a-boundin' like a boundin' kangaroo,
- But they didn't watch us comin' very long.
- As the Captain, etc.
-
- We was goin' most extended—we was drivin' very fine,
- An' the Arabites were loosin' 'igh an' wide,
- Till the Captain took the glassy with a rattlin' right incline,
- An' we dropped upon their 'eads the other side.
- Then we give 'em quarter—such as 'adn't up and cut,
- ('Orse Gunners, listen to my song!)
- An' the Captain stood a limberful of fizzy—somethin' Brutt,
- But we didn't leave it fizzing very long.
- For the Captain, etc.
-
- We might ha' been court-martialled, but it all come out all right
- When they signalled us to join the main command.
- There was every round expended, there was every gunner tight,
- An' the Captain waved a corkscrew in 'is 'and.
- But the Captain 'ad 'is jacket, etc.
The 'Eathen
- The 'eathen in 'is blindness bows down to wood an' stone;
- 'E don't obey no orders unless they is 'is own;
- 'E keeps 'is side-arms awful: 'e leaves 'em all about,
- An' then comes up the regiment an' pokes the 'eathen out.
-
- All along o' dirtiness, all along o' mess,
- All along o' doin' things rather-more-or-less,
- All along of abby-nay, kul, an' hazar-ho,
- Mind you keep your rifle an' yourself jus' so!
-
- The young recruit is 'aughty—'e draf's from Gawd knows where;
- They bid 'im show 'is stockin's an' lay 'is mattress square;
- 'E calls it bloomin' nonsense—'e doesn't know no more—
- An' then up comes 'is Company an' kicks 'im round the floor!
-
- The young recruit is 'ammered—'e takes it very 'ard;
- 'E 'angs 'is 'ead an' mutters—'e sulks about the yard;
- 'E talks o' "cruel tyrants" 'e'll swing for by-an'-by,
- An' the others 'ears an' mocks 'im, an' the boy goes orf to cry.
-
- The young recruit is silly—'e thinks o' suicide;
- 'E's lost 'is gutter-devil; 'e 'asn't got 'is pride;
- But day by day they kicks 'im, which 'elps 'im on a bit,
- Till 'e finds 'isself one mornin' with a full an' proper kit.
-
- Gettin' clear o' dirtiness, gettin' done with mess,
- Gettin' shut o' doin' things rather-more-or-less;
- Not so fond of abby-nay, kul, nor hazar-ho,
- Learns to keep 'is rifle an' 'isself jus' so!
-
- The young recruit is 'appy—'e throws a chest to suit;
- You see 'im grow mustaches; you 'ear 'im slap 'is boot;
- 'E learns to drop the "bloodies" from every word 'e slings,
- An' 'e shows an 'ealthy brisket when 'e strips for bars an' rings.
-
- The cruel-tyrant-sergeants they watch 'im 'arf a year;
- They watch 'im with 'is comrades, they watch 'im with 'is beer;
- They watch 'im with the women at the regimental dance,
- And the cruel-tyrant-sergeants send 'is name along for "Lance".
-
- An' now 'e's 'arf o' nothin', an' all a private yet,
- 'Is room they up an' rags 'im to see what they will get;
- They rags 'im low an' cunnin', each dirty trick they can,
- But 'e learns to sweat 'is temper an' 'e learns to sweat 'is man.
-
- An', last, a Colour-Sergeant, as such to be obeyed,
- 'E schools 'is men at cricket, 'e tells 'em on parade;
- They sees 'em quick an' 'andy, uncommon set an' smart,
- An' so 'e talks to orficers which 'ave the Core at 'eart.
-
- 'E learns to do 'is watchin' without it showin' plain;
- 'E learns to save a dummy, an' shove 'im straight again;
- 'E learns to check a ranker that's buyin' leave to shirk;
- An' 'e learns to make men like 'im so they'll learn to like their work.
-
- An' when it comes to marchin' he'll see their socks are right,
- An' when it comes to action 'e shows 'em 'ow to sight;
- 'E knows their ways of thinkin' and just what's in their mind;
- 'E knows when they are takin' on an' when they've fell be'ind.
-
- 'E knows each talkin' corpril that leads a squad astray;
- 'E feels 'is innards 'eavin', 'is bowels givin' way;
- 'E sees the blue-white faces all tryin' 'ard to grin,
- An' 'e stands an' waits an' suffers till it's time to cap 'em in.
-
- An' now the hugly bullets come peckin' through the dust,
- An' no one wants to face 'em, but every beggar must;
- So, like a man in irons which isn't glad to go,
- They moves 'em off by companies uncommon stiff an' slow.
-
- Of all 'is five years' schoolin' they don't remember much
- Excep' the not retreatin', the step an' keepin' touch.
- It looks like teachin' wasted when they duck an' spread an' 'op,
- But if 'e 'adn't learned 'em they'd be all about the shop!
-
- An' now it's "'Oo goes backward?" an' now it's "'Oo comes on?"
- And now it's "Get the doolies," an' now the captain's gone;
- An' now it's bloody murder, but all the while they 'ear
- 'Is voice, the same as barrick drill, a-shepherdin' the rear.
-
- 'E's just as sick as they are, 'is 'eart is like to split,
- But 'e works 'em, works 'em, works 'em till he feels 'em take the bit;
- The rest is 'oldin' steady till the watchful bugles play,
- An' 'e lifts 'em, lifts 'em, lifts 'em through the charge that wins the day!
-
- The 'eathen in 'is blindness bows down to wood an' stone;
- 'E don't obey no orders unless they is 'is own;
- The 'eathen in 'is blindness must end where 'e began,
- But the backbone of the Army is the non-commissioned man!
-
- Keep away from dirtiness—keep away from mess.
- Don't get into doin' things rather-more-or-less!
- Let's ha' done with abby-nay, kul, an' hazar-ho;
- Mind you keep your rifle an' yourself jus' so!
The Shut-Eye Sentry
- Sez the Junior Orderly Sergeant
- To the Senior Orderly Man:
- "Our Orderly Orf'cer's hokee-mut,
- You 'elp 'im all you can.
- For the wine was old and the night is cold,
- An' the best we may go wrong,
- So, 'fore 'e gits to the sentry-box,
- You pass the word along."
-
- So it was "Rounds! What Rounds?" at two of a frosty night,
- 'E's 'oldin' on by the sergeant's sash, but, sentry, shut your eye.
- An' it was "Pass! All's well!" Oh, ain't 'e drippin' tight!
- 'E'll need an affidavit pretty badly by-an'-by.
-
- The moon was white on the barricks,
- The road was white an' wide,
- An' the Orderly Orf'cer took it all,
- An' the ten-foot ditch beside.
- An' the corporal pulled an' the sergeant pushed,
- An' the three they danced along,
- But I'd shut my eyes in the sentry-box,
- So I didn't see nothin' wrong.
-
- Though it was "Rounds! What Rounds?" O corporal, 'old 'im up!
- 'E's usin' 'is cap as it shouldn't be used, but, sentry, shut your eye.
- An' it was "Pass! All's well!" Ho, shun the foamin' cup!
- 'E'll need, etc.
-
- 'Twas after four in the mornin';
- We 'ad to stop the fun,
- An' we sent 'im 'ome on a bullock-cart,
- With 'is belt an' stock undone;
- But we sluiced 'im down an' we washed 'im out,
- An' a first-class job we made,
- When we saved 'im, smart as a bombardier,
- For six-o'clock parade.
-
- It 'ad been "Rounds! What Rounds?" Oh, shove 'im straight again!
- 'E's usin' 'is sword for a bicycle, but, sentry, shut your eye.
- An' it was "Pass! All's well!" 'E's called me "Darlin' Jane"!
- 'E'll need, etc.
-
- The drill was long an' 'eavy,
- The sky was 'ot an' blue,
- An' 'is eye was wild an' 'is 'air was wet,
- But 'is sergeant pulled 'im through.
- Our men was good old trusties—
- They'd done it on their 'ead;
- But you ought to 'ave 'eard 'em markin' time
- To 'ide the things 'e said!
-
- For it was "Right flank—wheel!" for "'Alt, an' stand at ease!"
- An' "Left extend!" for "Centre close!" O marker, shut your eye!
- An' it was, "'Ere, sir, 'ere! before the Colonel sees!"
- So he needed affidavits pretty badly by-an'-by.
-
- There was two-an'-thirty sergeants,
- There was corp'rals forty-one,
- There was just nine 'undred rank an' file
- To swear to a touch o' sun.
- There was me 'e'd kissed in the sentry-box,
- As I 'ave not told in my song,
- But I took my oath, which were Bible truth,
- I 'adn't seen nothin' wrong.
-
- There's them that's 'ot an' 'aughty,
- There's them that's cold an' 'ard,
- But there comes a night when the best gets tight,
- And then turns out the Guard.
- I've seen them 'ide their liquor
- In every kind o' way,
- But most depends on makin' friends
- With Privit Thomas A.!
-
- When it is "Rounds! What Rounds?" 'E's breathin' through 'is nose.
- 'E's reelin', rollin', roarin' tight, but, sentry, shut your eye.
- An' it is "Pass! All's well!" An' that's the way it goes:
- We'll 'elp 'im for 'is mother, an' 'e'll 'elp us by-an'-by!
'Mary, Pity Women!'
- You call yourself a man,
- For all you used to swear,
- An' leave me, as you can,
- My certain shame to bear?
- I 'ear! You do not care—
- You done the worst you know.
- I 'ate you, grinnin' there...
- Ah, Gawd, I love you so!
-
- Nice while it lasted, an' now it is over—
- Tear out your 'eart an' good-bye to your lover!
- What's the use o' grievin', when the mother that bore you
- (Mary, pity women!) knew it all before you?
-
- It aren't no false alarm,
- The finish to your fun;
- You—you 'ave brung the 'arm,
- An' I'm the ruined one;
- An' now you'll off an' run
- With some new fool in tow.
- Your 'eart? You 'aven't none...
- Ah, Gawd, I love you so!
-
- When a man is tired there is naught will bind 'im;
- All 'e solemn promised 'e will shove be'ind 'im.
- What's the good o' prayin' for The Wrath to strike 'im
- (Mary, pity women!), when the rest are like 'im?
-
- What 'ope for me or—it?
- What's left for us to do?
- I've walked with men a bit,
- But this—but this is you.
- So 'elp me Christ, it's true!
- Where can I 'ide or go?
- You coward through and through! ...
- Ah, Gawd, I love you so!
-
- All the more you give 'em the less are they for givin'—
- Love lies dead, an' you cannot kiss 'im livin'.
- Down the road 'e led you there is no returnin'
- (Mary, pity women!), but you're late in learnin'!
-
- You'd like to treat me fair?
- You can't, because we're pore?
- We'd starve? What do I care!
- We might, but this is shore!
- I want the name—no more—
- The name, an' lines to show,
- An' not to be an 'ore...
- Ah, Gawd, I love you so!
-
- What's the good o' pleadin', when the mother that bore you
- (Mary, pity women!) knew it all before you?
- Sleep on 'is promises an' wake to your sorrow
- (Mary, pity women!), for we sail to-morrow!
For to Admire
- The Injian Ocean sets an' smiles
- So sof', so bright, so bloomin' blue;
- There aren't a wave for miles an' miles
- Excep' the jiggle from the screw.
- The ship is swep', the day is done,
- The bugle's gone for smoke and play;
- An' black agin' the settin' sun
- The Lascar sings, "Hum deckty hai!"
-
- For to admire an' for to see,
- For to be'old this world so wide—
- It never done no good to me,
- But I can't drop it if I tried!
-
- I see the sergeants pitchin' quoits,
- I 'ear the women laugh an' talk,
- I spy upon the quarter-deck
- The orficers an' lydies walk.
- I thinks about the things that was,
- An' leans an' looks acrost the sea,
- Till spite of all the crowded ship
- There's no one lef' alive but me.
-
- The things that was which I 'ave seen,
- In barrick, camp, an' action too,
- I tells them over by myself,
- An' sometimes wonders if they're true;
- For they was odd—most awful odd—
- But all the same now they are o'er,
- There must be 'eaps o' plenty such,
- An' if I wait I'll see some more.
-
- Oh, I 'ave come upon the books,
- An' frequent broke a barrick rule,
- An' stood beside an' watched myself
- Be'avin' like a bloomin' fool.
- I paid my price for findin' out,
- Nor never grutched the price I paid,
- But sat in Clink without my boots,
- Admirin' 'ow the world was made.
-
- Be'old a crowd upon the beam,
- An' 'umped above the sea appears
- Old Aden, like a barrick-stove
- That no one's lit for years an' years!
- I passed by that when I began,
- An' I go 'ome the road I came,
- A time-expired soldier-man
- With six years' service to 'is name.
-
- My girl she said, "Oh, stay with me!"
- My mother 'eld me to 'er breast.
- They've never written none, an' so
- They must 'ave gone with all the rest—
- With all the rest which I 'ave seen
- An' found an' known an' met along.
- I cannot say the things I feel,
- And so I sing my evenin' song:
-
- For to admire an' for to see,
- For to be'old this world so wide—
- It never done no good to me,
- But I can't drop it if I tried!
- --oOo-- -